Control

Daily Reflection
Today, I want to talk about how we try to control our lives by controlling other people's lives. Today, I want you to notice how you try to control others. I think it is most beneficial if we start by reflecting on how we try to control our primary partner. Think about those tasks you have taken on and why. For example, are you in charge of the finances? Are you in charge of the household tasks? Are you in charge of planning social events? Are you in charge of the calendar? What is your primary partner in control of and why? Is your partner in charge of things that you don't want to do? Have you set up a life that is the most natural for both of you?

It is interesting to look at and examine those tasks we have chosen for ourselves and why we have chosen them. For example, have you chosen to take control of the finances because you are better with money? Because you don't trust your partner's spending? Because you are afraid certain financial goals won't be met if you are not the one in control?

We should really ask ourselves these questions when it comes to all of those tasks we take on in a relationship because the key here is that we want to be in control and by being in control we control someone else. For example, I handle the finances in our household so I tell my husband when we can spend money, how much can be spent and what we can spend money on. While this seems like a perfectly natural situation and happens in many households, we need to be aware of the control portion of this situation. This essentially means that my husband has very little freedom of choice about his own finances. While my husband initially asked me to do this and does not mind that I do this, it is important to keep checking in with him to make sure this is still the most harmonious choice for our relationship.

In your journal today, reflect on the things that you have control over and how that control might affect someone else's life. Discuss this reflection with those to whom it matters and see if this is the most harmonious choice for both of you.

Swami K