Day 11 - The Way We Experience Love

Today's Tarka Practice
To begin today's reflections I have another story to share. This story comes from my own personal journal and talks about my meditation experience in the Zen tradition. This was before I became a student of Kriya yoga and the writing is from about eight years ago. After re-reading this story in my own journal, it struck me how many great lessons are still present. This was a writing about love.
And the story begins...

The faint scent of cedar wood filled the room. Eyes closed, I carefully observed the proper form of the Soto Zen meditation tradition. As my breath eased in and out of my body, I used breath control and intention to push the air deliberately towards my feet. I was focused and felt calm and peaceful until my cat, Egypt, started rubbing her head lovingly against my hand, begging for attention. I did not reach out to pet her; instead, I tried to maintain my locus of control. In order to train my mind, my will, it was essential to maintain proper form. Her rubbing became more insistent, and I felt the hives begin to grow and itch on the back of my hand. They itched like mad, but I refused to move and break form. Again, I used my breath to try to forget the itching sensation that was now cascading up my wrist and forearm. She would not leave me alone, and I was getting very irritated. I did not set out to make irritation the central focus of this meditation. Yet, I sat there still, irritated and itchy. She was not trying to irritate me; she was only seeking love. This love came to me without warning and was not what I expected it to be. I thought to myself, love is often like this. We have expectations about the form it will take and who it will be with. We make judgments about the way we wish it to be, and when it does not meet our expectations, we become irritated. This irritation actually blocks us from being able to receive love. We often want love to come to us on our terms and only when we decide we want it; we want to control it instead of just opening ourselves up and letting it happen. When others demand love from us during inconvenient times, such as during meditation, or while we are busy working on a project, or watching our favorite TV show, we don't notice it; we actually push love away, get angry and then wonder why our partners are irritated, hurt, or angry. Love can be very demanding. When those who seek only to be in our presence approach us, what we need to do is to stop, to listen, to awaken, to pay attention, become fully present in the moment and ask ourselves what is going on here? When others are "begging" for our attention, it is because we have not been giving it. If we tend our relationships as if they were a flower garden, if we nurture them with care and water them regularly, the petals will slowly open and grow towards the light. Instead of acting and reacting, we can just sit openly, listen silently, and awaken to what is being offered here. It is caring, compassion - it is generosity. My cat gave up for a bit, moved away, and sat next to me quietly purring. We rested comfortably in each other’s presence. Neither of us had to do anything. No action needed to be taken. Both of us were able to offer each other love and both of us were open to receive it. Love does not need to be demanding if we are awake. Love moves through us as freely as our breath.

In your journal today, I want you to open yourself to love. As you move through your day, think about your own encounters with love and the effects love has on your state of mind.

How many times did you feel love enter your life today? How did you approach it (did you receive it easily, get irritated, close yourself off, etc.)

Just notice all of your feelings and thoughts surrounding love.